Pickup lines. Everyone hates them. There's nothing more cringe inducing than a pickup line, and you've got more chance of being slapped or laughed at than actually getting laid after using one. But even so, there's something cute, funny or innocent about using a pickup line. It's kind of a self-depreciating social note that we've come to accept despite them being mostly useless.
So, even though dirty pick up lines won't instantly get you laid, unless you get really lucky, it's good to know a few because they definitely help break the ice in certain situations. So, if you you want some ammunition in your back pocket for the next time you meet a gorgeous woman - or if you fancy your chances as a veritable Casanova - read on, because we've put together the dirtiest pick up lines to use tonight.
What Are Pickup Lines?
When you meet a woman for the first time, you might be tempted to deliver a pick up line. Now, pickup lines are usually one-sentence introductory lines that feature an element of dirtiness, sexiness, cheekiness or innocence. The idea behind them is that the woman will be so enthralled with your wit and creativity that she'll fall madly in love with you immediately.
Unfortunately, dirty pickup lines don't really work like this. They originate from the days of pickup artists (hence the name), who (wrongly) believed that you could say a couple of magic words to a woman and she'd drop to her knees and start fellating you right there and then. However, as you probably know, the reality is a little different.
Do Pickup Lines Actually Work?
The short answer is no. Dirty pick up lines don't work. Imagine you're a woman and a man comes up to you in a bar. He says, "nice dress, but it would look better on my bedroom floor." Would you be taken by such a line? Probably not. You'd know he'd just memorized that line to use on a million women. A line like this is no different to saying "hello."
Perhaps at some point in the past, pickup lines had their place in the hookup world. Maybe before everyone had the entire world's knowledge at their fingertips, pickup lines might have showcased a little humor and creativity, but these days, pickup lines won't get you laid as much as "hey, wanna fuck?" would.
So If Pickup Lines Suck, Why Use Them?
The appeal of pickup lines is not actually the lines themselves. A line like, "I've recently qualified as a gynecologist and I'd like to offer you my pro-boner services," isn't supposed to get a woman dripping wet at the prospect of fucking you, it's supposed to show a snapshot of your personality. Pickup lines are just ways of introducing yourself with a little color.
For example, an innocent pick up line might show that you're "one of the good guys." Dirty pick up lines might suggest that you're sexually confident. A self-depreciating pick up line could say that you have a good sense of humor. Not only that, but they also suggest confidence and comfort, something that women absolutely love.
Best Dirty Pick Up Lines To Ue Tonight
So, providing you keep this in mind, dirty pick up lines can get you off to a good start. They're not magic words to get a woman into bed, but they can make for good building blocks that could lead to sex. Just be sure to keep it respectful, and only deliver dirty pick up lines to girls you're confident won't take offense! Here are the best dirty pick up lines to use tonight.
Dirty Pickup Lines
Okay, so these ones are the dirtiest of the dirty. We definitely DON'T recommend you go around and start spouting these off to random women in the bar, especially in today's equality climate, because chances are you'll be wearing that drink you're holding. A good idea is to use these on women you already have a rapport with.
- If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?
- I don't think I want your babies, but I wouldn't mind refining my baby making technique with you.
- I'm not a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight.
- Are you a sea lion? Because I can sea you lion in my bed tonight
- I'm not into watching sunsets, but I'd love to see you go down.
- Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.
- I'm like a haunted house – you're going to scream when you get inside me.
- Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
- I'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
- Do you want to learn CPR? Let me demo you some mouth to mouth action.
- Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
- Hey girl, is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon.
- Do you have a cell phone in your back pocket? Because your ass is calling to me.
- You are so selfish. You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
- Did you sit in a pile of sugar? ‘Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.
- Let me guess your favorite position: anything that involves my balls bouncing against your ass.
- Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
- The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
- Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you all night long!
- Are you an eco-friendly kind of girl? The condom in my pocket goes expires tomorrow, so why don't you help me use it?
Smooth Pickup Lines
So, you fancy yourself as a modern day Lothario and you want to make it clear. Smooth pickup lines actually have their place in the modern hookup scene providing you deliver them with respect and courtesy. Remember, these lines aren't supposed to actually work, but if they can make a woman laugh, you're off to a good start.
- Give me your car keys so I can drive you crazy.
- I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?
- What is a nice person like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
- Aside from being extremely sexy, what else do you do for a living?
- You must be in a wrong place – the Miss Universe contest is over there.
- That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
- Don't get me wrong, your dress is gorgeous. But I bet your birthday suit is even better.
- Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
- You've been a bad girl. Go to my room.
- Just to be clear, we're both heading for the same bed tonight, right?
- Do you have pet insurance? Because your pussy's getting smashed tonight.
- What’s a perfect gentleman like me doing without your phone number?
- I usually go for 8’s but I guess I’ll settle for a 10.
- Don’t tell me your name. I’ve decided to just call you mine.
- You’re so gorgeous that you made me forget my good pickup line.
- Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
- Your hand looks heavy, let me hold it for you.
- Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?
- I was wondering if you had an extra heart. Mine was just stolen.
- Can I borrow your phone? I need to call God and tell him I’ve found his missing angel.
Funny Pickup Lines
These are the best kinds of lines because they'll give a hint of your personality. Sense of humor is one of the most important traits women desire in a partner, so if you can make her laugh right from the off, that lays the groundwork for further communication and connection. Be sure to deliver these with a little cheekiness for maximum effect.
- On a scale of 1-America, how free are you tonight?
- Titanic... Sorry, bad icebreaker.
- Are you an archaeologist? Because I've got a large bone for you to examine.
- I'm a mind reader and yes I will sleep with you.
- Just checked my battery life, it's at 69%.
- Your name must be Earl Grey, because you're a real Hot-Tea.
- Are you a stack of dirty dishes? ‘Cause I want to spend all night taking care of you.
- Heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad at everything.
- Hey baby, wanna make a big mistake?
- You're pretty, I'm pretty, what say we go back to my place and stare at each other for a while.
- Think you can handle 12 inches? No? Well good, because I'm only packing 5.
- Is your name homework? 'Cause I'm not doing you but I should be.
- When I was born I had 2 choices: One was to have perfect memory and the other was to have a huge penis. Unfortunately I can't remember which one I chose.
- There's a big sale in my bedroom right now. Clothes are 100% off!
- Girl, are you sitting on that F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing.
- Oh, your name's [name]? That's my wife's name. Well, we're not married. In fact we've only just met.
- Your eyes are like IKEA. I'm totally lost in them.
- Hey, my name's Microsoft. Can I crash at your place?
- I may not be a photographer, but I can totally picture us together.
- You wanna go halvsies on a baby?
Online Pickup Lines
It's become something of a cliche for guys on Tinder to use pickup lines right after they match with a woman. Obviously, an overly-sexual pick up line isn't going to achieve much, but a funny line increases the chance the woman will actually respond. If you've matched with a girl on a dating site and you don't know how to open, try one of these comedic dirty pick up lines:
- Hey, are you a wifi hotspot? Because I feel a connection.
- Are you a light switch? Because you really turn me on.
- Are you butt dialing? Because I swear that ass is calling.
- Just wanted to let you know, you have some cute on your face.
- (Lime emoji) This is my pick-up lime. How are you?
- My mom told me not to talk to strangers online, but I’ll make an exception for you.
- I think I saw you on Spotify. You were listed as the hottest single.
- Are you my laptop? Because you’re really hot and I’m concerned.
- Are your parents' bakers? They sure made a cutie pie.
- Want to help me get on Santa's naughty list this year?
- Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
- If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
- You look so familiar. Didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry.
- I've got 1-ply, I've got 2-ply, but all I really want is your re-ply.
- My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful person here. How should we spend their money?
Innocent Pickup Lines
Not every pick up line has to be some filthy, sexually-suggestive double-entendre. Some lines can just be innocent, usually professing your admiration of the other person's beauty. These lines are good because they play it safe, and with effective delivery these lines can get some pretty good results. Here's a nice list of innocent but dirty pick up lines.
- Your name must be Adele, because you had me at hello.
- Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?
- My mom said she found a beautiful and intelligent girl for me. Is that you?
- I'm going to need you to step away from the bar. You're melting all the ice.
- Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers.
- Do you drink soda? Because you look so-da-licious.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, Yoda I am, and go out with me, will you?
- Do you play soccer? You look like a keeper.
- Do you like Harry Potter? Because I adumbledore you.
- I'm having trouble sleeping by myself, can you sleep with me?
- Your lips look lonely. Wanna introduce them to mine?
- Do you want to save water and shower together?
- I'm learning about important dates in history. Wanna be one of them?
- I'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you.
- Are you the square root of 1? Because you seriously can’t be real!
Weird Pickup Lines
As we've mentioned, sense of humor is everything, and not every woman enjoys the same kind of humor. Some women like the weird stuff. Bizarre, surreal lines that might not seem like a pick up line on the surface, but really, that's the point. These lines are sort of anti-pickup lines, sure to hit the spot with girls who prefer something a little alternative.
- Are you my appendix? I don't know what you do or how you work but I feel like I should take you out.
- Are you from Oklahoma? Because you're OK.
- Are you a 0% APR loan? Because I'm having trouble understanding your terms and you aren't showing any interest.
- Did you fart? Because you blew me away.
- Are you my last 1099 check? Because I want 100% of you.
- I just bought kiss-proof lipstick, and I need a lab partner to test its claims. Are you in?
- You’re like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast.
- You smell like trash, can I take you out?
- Are you http? Because without you I'm just ://
- Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re CuTe.
- Are you Middle Eastern? Because you look like you've got a lot of fucking problems, but as an American I wanna get involved anyway.
- Are you medusa? cause I'm rock hard.
- Are you an angle from heaven? Cause you're acute.
- Are you the lottery lady on TV? Because I'm picturing you holding up my balls.
- Fuck me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?
Try These Dirty Pick Up Lines (At Your Own Risk!)
There you go. That's 105 dirty pick up lines to try out tonight. We can't promise they'll all work, but they're definitely more exciting than just saying "hi." Be sure to deliver them with a smile and who knows, maybe a woman will fall in love with your charm. Don't expect instant sex, but a couple of these sexy pick up lines might just grab her attention long enough for you to make a good impression. Good luck!